It is Written for My Travels
It is Written for My Comfort
It is Written... for My Healing
It is Written for My Children
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God continues to strengthen me in a wonderful way. Everyone is concerned about me being alone, but I’m not alone. A few days before Clinton departed I spent five hours driving alone with the Lord, praying in tongues during a trip to North Carolina and back. I played some of Pastor Clinton’s music from Peace Hall and it was wonderful. I was caught in the glory, not knowing that God was preparing me for what was to come.
I do fine when I’m alone. The tears flow when others begin to cry around me. But God has been my strength. When friends call to express their sentiments, many have been overcome with emotion. I must admit that I don’t have the energy to fight off helping others with their emotions right now because I’m trying to stay steady in order to do what I’m supposed to do.
So I’m asking your help. If you’re going to call, write, or talk to me about this, talk to me in strength because I don’t need pity or sympathy. Right now my husband is rejoicing. He’s known about Jesus since he was four years old. He has desired to behold His face since he was four years old and that’s what he shall do.
When the phone rang at 2:15 that morning, I knew what the message was going to be. The hospital representative asked me if I was coming to view his body. I said, "Absolutely not." Why didn’t I go? I went when he was alive. I did not need to view his remains because an empty body is nothing but a shell. His spirit left immediately. Clinton was not there.
On the day I stepped back into that force field of God’s glory, my desire was never to respond to anything in the natural anymore. I want to stay in the Spirit, and I’m going to stay in the Spirit. When I hung up the phone that morning, I said, "Okay, Lord, it’s 2:30 a.m. and I’m awake. What am I supposed to do all this time besides praise You?"
So, I did what women do. I washed my hair and got my clothes ready because I knew I was going to have to make all the arrangements. I didn’t feel the need to call and disturb anyone and get them involved. God’s grace was going to be sufficient for me.
I called John Bevere to tell him, and he was rushing on his way to his plane. He stopped and said, "Wait a minute. I’m not in that big a hurry. I can’t believe I’m not going to see my brother until I get to glory."
I said, "John, you’ve already seen him in the Spirit realm." And I said, "When we get to glory, we’re going to focus so much on Jesus that we’re not going to be looking up loved ones and expecting to have the kind of emotions that we had about them while here." And then, very interestingly, he said, "If you need to call me, don’t hesitate. Get on the phone and call."
I said, "John, why do I need to call you when I have Jesus and the Holy Ghost?"
He broke into laughter. I said, "Isn’t that what you were teaching us when you were here, that we are to draw near to God and He will draw near to us? I can’t make you my source of comfort. I have to get as close to God as I possibly can because the closer I get to Him, the closer He’s going to get to me."
And that’s the way it’s always going to be. I am never going to let my focus be on a human being.
I had more than thirty years with Clinton Utterbach. We had the same things that you have in your marriage. We had the good days, and the bad days. We had the ups, and we had the downs. I’m not perfect; neither was he. I’m not always right; neither was he. But we worked it out between us. We worked it out using the Word of God as our example and our judge. The Word of God became our standard that determined how we wanted to live because without God’s Word as the manual for Christian living and marriage, no one is going to make it.
Why is my husband asleep in Jesus instead of here with us today? I talked to the Lord about all the questions that everyone might have. I gave our congregation the opportunity to ask me questions on the morning I shared the news with them. And I am taking the time to share my comments with you as well. Folks, it’s time for the people of God, especially His ministers, to be transparent. It takes the pressure off everyone.
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